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Feb. 6th, 2010 @ 08:41 am January
Current Music: Sufjan Stevens - Illinois
"January is a quiet time of year, things tend to pick up around march when people start to act normally" said the lady in a burger van on my lunch-break talking about her lean sales. She was of course talking about Resolutions being made in vain, things like quitting smoking or eating less burgers. She's right of course, but her salt of the earth approach made me even more convinced to stick to my own guns in trying to better myself in this new year and, shit, new decade.
For the last ten years, from 16-26, the main overriding philosophy circling all around me has been hedonism. Drink and drugs. Late nights. Little sleep. Blackouts. A lot of fun, but a lot of harm. Everything started on December 31st 1999 when I lay down alone on the dancefloor at a houseparty and listened to Afrika Shox. It was almost like that song transformed me. And so now I want to evolve into something else, like to accomplish something this decade, and it has started well:

I am:
-running shitloads (with a dog normally)
-pumping iron
-writing poetry

I got to leave Data Processing in Comet (electrical goods enterprise) and return to the reception I previously worked at.  It's such a crap building that it's great. It's for the fostering and adoption team for the Local Council so I feel good about that. There were different departments in there four years ago, so it feels surreal having new faces.It's all part of the shake-up though. Hull confirmed itself as the shitty city in that period at Comet though. It's not even so shit that it's good. It's just pretty shit. It's grey, underprivileged, malnourished and it swears a lot and eats too many burgers. Anyway, one good thing I got out of it was to meet Teri, a fresh-faced, smiley girl who radiates attraction.I had to break through the regimented coffee breaks that you get in call centres to make the opportunity to talk to her. I did this and it it felt good. Breaking out of the comfort zone the first time made the next approach a lot easier. Now I've left the job, we're emailing each other and hopefully I'll see her soon for a drink.

In other news, my friend Ed and I signed up for Italian lessons but they got cancelled. I guess pumping iron replaced that time-wise so it ain't no theng. Been getting into cosmic ordering and borrowed a book about buddhism from one of the chefs at work. I finished reading The Wasp factory by Iain Banks and stared The Dharma Bus by Jack Kerouac. Like Kerouac and his drinking; some hedomism spilled over into the decade but it's few and far between, therefore I'm getting better. To mop up the booze one lunchtime, I bought a burger from the lady when she started being philosophical. All in all, I'll tell you what: I see her as a lady that sells burgers and not the oracle, so I won't be acting normal in March.
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Jun. 27th, 2009 @ 06:27 pm Good seagull.
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: N*E*R*D

I was walking by Brighton Seafront at 9:30pm and it’s beautiful and the sky is going to be turning purple soon and I walk slowly listening to Hip-hop on the old I-pod and a woman pushing a wheelchair stops me:

 

“Excuse me, do you know of any chocolate shops around here?”

Slightly thrown: “Chocolate shops?”

Lady:  “You know, to munch on!”

Did she think she could munch on a shop made of choco? Does she feel she is deprived of chocolate generally and want a Hansel und Gretel style candy-land? I sent them them down the way of the Pier to get a crêpe or some shit. I hope a seagull didn’t steal it off her either.

 The death of Michael Jackson doesn’t really surprise me, nor does it sadden me. Rather selfishly, it makes me think of myself a boatload. I think of the first album I owned -  my mother actually bought  “Bad” on vinyl for me because she knew I loved to cut a rug to the Wacko.  I think back to the first time that I played my favourite computer game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. The moment you steal your first car, "Billie Jean" comes on and you’re skirting around 80’s Miami with the sun beating down , primed to start the game, with a big smile around the face with nostalgia. I also think how the unfeasible 50 focking dates that he had lined up to London was a mockery of a sham.  The stress surely significantly contributed to his cardiac arrest. Putting everyone’s judgements aside for a moment, I feel that it was a sad demise but his poor soul died a long time ago. His music will never die though. Best song? "Man in the Mirror."

 

I swam in the sea! It felt better than any wave machine does and doesn’t cost the world. It was the best feeling in the world and it really was deep ocean blue. There was a damaged seagull on the pebbles near the water. It had ripped loads of its wing off. As I was sunbathing and reading my book, I overheard the police reporting it over the phone to the RSPCA. Like the policeman said over the radio,  it was amazing how serene the bird was. I felt that he was sharing the moment with me, simply taking everything in for the moment. Accepting its fate and not ripping up garbage bins or terrorizing residents of rooftop attic flats squawking into the night past 2am. Good bird.

 

 

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Jun. 12th, 2009 @ 10:54 am Chili

I don’t want to write and I force myself to write and I hope that when I’m done it feels nice. As I write, I am in the bar at the university and the place is shaking and the people around are drunk and I fucking hate them and they’re trying to impress each other and talk about girls like they are pieces of shit. Soon I will be eating chili with people who I like and they will ask me  questions and I will ask some back and maybe we will try and impress each other by seeing who can eat the hottest chili and it’ll burn at first but when it sinks down it feels good and I think I will drink milk.

I saw a girl and she makes my heart race and I would  step in the way if someone was firing an uzi at her. If she got hit by an uzi when i wasn’t there and survived, she would still be the most beautiful thing this fuck-up has ever seen. She is every colour. She is a spectrum. She is number one at everything in the world apart from conforming and she makes me happy when I think of her right now instead of this bar that shakes.

I like my friends, they have big pumping hearts and some of them don’t take care of their hearts. One friend told me that he thinks I have the coolest friends like he couldn’t believe it and I agree with the bullshit he spouts. I want to see you, you, and you, again, again and again but that girl is the one that’s most of all in my big pumping heart that will start racing like Senna when I shovel up some chili and send it down.

 

This bar shakes and I don’t want to shake with it. Not this time: there is no urge to fight. I have a light strapped to my head to light the way from tonight and on and I follow that now. I follow that.  The people in the bar cannot step into my light, they can live in the dark and I can shut them out. I don’t want to light the way for anyone else, but only if they want to and we can walk together, not one person in front of the other. The people in the bar are not really together, they pretend to be by trying to impress each other after a beer again, again and one more time.

 

I was in a bed in a house yesterday and a the guy said to the girl lots of things in the next room. The guy and the girl thought noone else was in the house so they started to say lots of things from their big thumping hearts when they sat at the table after chopping up vegetables.  I  think they were vegetables because carrots are loud to chop and that’s why I don’t really chop them. I dip them in a sauce – example: guacamole – and take a big chomp and they taste good. I heard the guy say that he wants to be better friends with me and it felt good and I left the house quietly and I felt good and I also do now and I’m finished with this because they’ll have cooked the chili soon.

 

 

 

 

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Dec. 23rd, 2008 @ 04:55 pm july-december
 july saw closure at university with graduation and on the very same day a flight to iceland to start a 3 month journalism internship at the reykjavik grapevine, a fortnightly alternative newspaper

august saw lots of articles and a full realization that this summer in reykjavik was certainly the best yet

september saw the arrival of a new girl. elin the swedish girl who i met waiting at the indian restaurant i worked at. sweetie!

october saw iceland airwaves, the best music festival in the world and me writing with lots of high profile writers from the guardian, emusic and other places and then a move to brighton to link up with aubrey from the miami days

november saw me get a shit job in sales just to tread water and find my feet here in brighton and the worst luck possible, worst luck ever in financial struggle, setting up utilities and such

december saw me land a job at the world famous glyndebourne opera house in lewes doing admin and that starts in the new year. i stepped into this new world by going to see handel's messiah at the royal albert hall in london that felt very christmassy indeedio peepio's

merry christmas!

x
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Jul. 11th, 2008 @ 11:47 am june
 work work work work work (yawns)
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Jun. 21st, 2008 @ 11:31 pm may
may was quality because i went to brighton to the great escape music festival which focuses on new music and i saw bon iver and iron & wine and fuijya and miyagi and cadence weapon and the hold steady yes i did and my new libyan housemate mohamad i have taken under my wing he speaks little english but i want to help him all i can he is a genuine lovely person who wants a masters in architecture and i'm gonna give him the best start i can because even though i dupe the system i know thow shit works over here as i write this it's his birthday may i finished university and being an emotional fuckface i felt empty and partied like shit and got yet another job at the council filing and scanning monika if you're reading this i just caught up on your posts and i think you are amazing growing all those exotic food plants and spices you remind me of my mum who is a cool motherfucker too 
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Jun. 21st, 2008 @ 11:26 pm April
april i got myself fired on purpose from virgin wines, but at least i know about wine now!

april i wrote some of my best experimental poetry and prose and started kicking on in my degree.

april i still lived in po na na and the student union.

april i kissed my first girl this year.

april i felt like i was hustling big time, juggling full time work with finals.
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Apr. 23rd, 2008 @ 01:36 pm March
March was a month where I worked full time and waited and waited for Spring to come but it never did. Working for Virgin Wines was beneficial in now that I know a bit about wine but that's all. I never want call centre work again if I can help it. That's shit over now though.
What else happened?

Lots of nights out happened.

The highlight of the month though had to be when my grandparents came to Norwich. Doesn't sound much. But we're pretty close and we had we went to a cool grill called The Fountain, saw Márquez's 'Love in the time of Cholera' and saw some shit 80's cabaret band that would make you cringe. Oh and then the sun did come out on the Sunday the left as if to signal good things to come.

Bye.
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Mar. 9th, 2008 @ 05:34 pm February - The Month Of Wine & Port!
Current Music: Jamie Lidell - 'Jim'
Things really started taking off for me in the second month of 08.  I continued to look after myself. Big partying came back but not as extreme and as frequent now. Give that body a break. Rico moved out. Phil moved out. Ed came back and it's great. We work full time now and cook for each other every night. We eat for cheap but always seem to feast like kings. I worked nights for a while doing data entry crap at One Railway and now I am doing Customer Service shit at Virgin Wines - and full time as well - on top of my studies! So I'm constantly busy and stuff.

The writing has been going well. I wrote a piece called Batter that Chatter about a fire in a fish & chip shop which I will post soon and lots of experimental poetry.

So with my job and everything, I have become a bit of a wino. I have drunk so much recently but a special mention must go to Port which is from the beautiful and amazing city of Porto. Yea, Jono, James and Sam hadn't all properly met before but with the trip revolving around me - they came for a long weekend to Porto, Portugal and we all got on like a house on fire. Highlights of this incredible trip have to be the boat trip, looking around the Sandeman Port Lodge, eating great seafood and a great big slobbering dog that would look stoned and bored until he saw a bicycle ride past which he'd chase, springing into life. Doesn't sound much but believe, it was.

The Porrtugese have a special sausage they cook at your table, similar to chorizo or salami by setting fire to the alchhol in the bowl it is cooked over. The first morning for a hungover lunch I brought my head nervously closer and there right in front of hysterical locals, my hair sets on fire,  fringe totally torched. From then on we had to keep ordring sausages, and though not as good as the first time, laughter was always ensured.

The Portugese loved us generally and we had two wild nights. The first one, we went in search of Plan B, this indie club apparently. The taxi driver instead dropped us at this godawful fast food joint and people were waving at us before we even got out the taxi, don't know why, it could be the collective pale skin or perehaps my blonde hair. We decided to go into this nightclub anyway which waslike a superclub but full of boys that looked likeCristiano Ronaldo and too many young girls. They had this really weird entry system where they gave you a 10 euro worth card to stamp your drinks on and then every other drink was stamped from there and you paid your balance on the way out which is fucked if you don't know how much you're spending and how much cash you have on you. I lost my ticket and that's an automatic 75 euro fine, The night seemed to have taken a bad turn but my 3 friends distracted the bouncer and out I sauntered, 30 euro's of drinks for free. I owed them one.

Second night we in this little punk bar sat on barrels drinking sangria and asked the barman for further haunts, based on his personal preference. He told us of two bars, one with a red door and another with a black door but with no names on the front. This was amazing and we decided to go black.  A quirky little bar with great music, two of us stayed on past 4 for the lock-in and the bar staff were dancing on the bar pouring us free beers and rums. We were out until 8 which is unheard of in England and staggered home taking in a budgie and canary market on the way...

February - the month were the year started flying.
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Feb. 9th, 2008 @ 08:20 am more
i want to write write write more more more
i want to cook more, l love to cook
i want to watch more fims, films
i want to make music
want to read more books

i do all these but i need more
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